Things to Remember
This is just a section for stuff I want to remember, interesting facts, cool
quotes, and generally things to make you think. Hope you like them!
FACTS
Can you name the five tastes that your taste buds can taste? If you give up. Find the Answers Here
Chef Juila Child was a spy (for the OSS, predecessor of the CIA) during World War II.
So was her husband. That’s how they met.
Fidel Castro tried out for the Washington Senators baseball team in 1941. Imagine how the world would have changed if he had succeeded. At the very least, John Kennedy would probably not have been assassinated.
Quotes
“With our thoughts, we make the world.”
“When you exhaust all possibilities, remember this: You haven’t.”
“There is no expedient to which a man will not resort to avoid the real labor of thinking.”
“What luck for rulers that men do not think.”
“Education is not filling a bucket, but lighting a fire.”
“Education is what survives when what is learned is forgotten.”
“I never let my schooling interfere with my education.”
“Minds are like parachutes. They don’t work unless you open them.”
Ma ka hana ka ‘ike. (“In the work is the knowledge”)
“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the most responsive to change.”
“Real change is always painful.”
“We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.”
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
That’s why they call it “fishing” instead of “catching”.
“The scientific mind does not so much provide the right answers as ask the right questions.”
As an adolescent, I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life—so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.
My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it’s gone.
Never confuse movement with action.
“The true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don’t know what to do.”
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”
“Life is the sum of all your choices.”
“That’s been one of my mantras — focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.”
“Simple ain’t easy”
“Everything that can be invented has been invented,”
“If I had thought about it, I wouldn’t have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can’t do this,”
This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us,”
“Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible,”
“Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value,”
“The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?”
“There is no likelihood man can ever tap the power of the atom.”
“The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives.”
“Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances.”
“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.”
“Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.”
“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.”
“640K ought to be enough for anybody.”
“The super computer is technologically impossible. It would take all of the water that flows over Niagara Falls to cool the heat generated by the number of vacuum tubes required.”
“I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year.”
“But what is it good for?”
“The day we have digital TV’s is the same day we’ll have an anti-gravity machine.”
“I don’t know what use anyone could find for a machine that would make copies of documents. It certainly couldn’t be a feasible business by itself.”
“Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.”
“The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon,”
“If God intended us to see in three dimensions, he would have given us two eyes”
“Never think you’ve seen the last of anything.”
“There is more to life than simply increasing its speed.”
“The best way to predict the future is to invent it.”
“When the government fears the people, you have Liberty. When the people fear the government, you have Tyranny.”
“Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You’re crazy,”
“The function of science fiction is not always to predict the future but sometimes to prevent it.”
“Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.”
“I’m just glad it’ll be Clark Gable who’s falling on his face and not Gary Cooper,”
If you sometimes feel a little useless, offended or depressed, always remember that YOU were once the fastest and most victorious little sperm out of millions.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out,”
“The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C,’ the idea must be feasible,”
“A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make,”
“They say 90 percent of TV is junk. But 90 percent of everything is junk.”
“I’m a man addicted to placebos. I would give them up, but it probably would not make a difference.”
“First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win.”
“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.”
“It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit”
“All the territorial possessions of all the political establishments in the earth-including America, of course – consist of pilferings from other people’s wash. No tribe, however insignificant, and no nation, howsoever mighty, occupies a foot of land that was not stolen. When the English, the French, and the Spaniards reached America, the Indian tribes had been raiding each other’s territorial clothes-lines for ages, and every acre of ground in the continent had been stolen and re-stolen 500 times.”
The difference between the Pope and your boss is the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in the bathroom.
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting “Holy Cow, What a Ride!”
“A government big enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take away everything you have.”
“When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you command the attention of the world”
“Learning is characterized by a change in behavior.”
The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from eating too much pi.
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay
here; I’ll go on a head.’
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother
telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
When cannibals ate a stand-up comic, he tasted funny.
Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
Those who jump off a bridge in Egypt are in de-nile.
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding – A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.
A will is a a dead give away.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine has fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia – the LAN down under.
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted – taint yours and taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis..
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
Mr. & Mrs. Claus are North Polish
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
I want to die like my father, quietly, in his sleep—not screaming and terrified like his passengers.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Evening news is where they begin with “Good Evening” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Some people are like Slinkies…not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of the pool and throw them fish.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are three hundred billion stars in our galaxy, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they really were.
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
To be sure of hitting the target, you should shoot first and call whatever you hit “the target”.
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
A: Chicken Teriaki
Q: Who was the last surviving Kamikaze pilot? Peter Schickile
A: Dr. Livingston, I Presume
Q: So what is your full name, Dr. Presume? Peter Schickile
A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked ‘How heavy is this glass of water?’
Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.
The lecturer replied, ‘The absolute weight doesn’t matter.It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.’
He continued, ‘And that’s the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later,as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on. As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.’
‘So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don’t carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you’re carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can.’ So, my friend, Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don’t pick it up again until after you’ve rested a while.
* Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
* Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
* If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.
* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a
leg to stand on.
* Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
* Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
* The second mouse gets the cheese.
* When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
* You may be only one person in the world but you may also be the world to one
person.
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
* We could learn a lot from crayons…. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are
dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the
same box.
*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
A friend of mine described his apartment as being decorated like the Garage Mahall
Paraprosdokian
Here is the definition:
Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation.
“Where there’s a will, I want to be in it,”
* I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. (Emo Phillips)
* Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
* The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
* If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
* We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
* War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. (Tom Lehrer)
* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
* I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
* Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
* I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
* Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy..
* There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
* I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
